Ever since I began app reviews, I’ve noticed a certain genre on the Google Play store that I’d call “interesting”. Talking animal apps. The entire store has plenty of them with cats, dogs, and….female cats? I never downloaded one before, mainly because I already have a dog. However, I haven’t taught that dog to talk. Yet. So, for the sake of sharing this experience, let’s take a look at My Talking Tom for Android devices.

What Is My Talking Tom?

When I first downloaded the app, I figured it would be something where you type phrases for this talking cat to say. Think of the possibilities,I had so many things I was planning to have it say! Some appropriate, some less appropriate. So many possible prank calls wasted. Anyways I learned pretty quickly that the game is less about having your cat talk and more about keeping it happy. Kind of. Let me explain.

The Gameplay

So as soon as you open the app, you are greeted with Tom staring at you happily. Which is quite different from normal cats. Tom sits alone in a room with a nonfunctioning television and a rocking chair. I stared back at Tom for a while, waiting for him to get talking. Nothing happened. So what if I tap on him? Well, something pretty interesting happens. And by that I mean he reacts as if being punched. Obviously I felt pretty bad about that. Maybe I should try tapping more lightly? Nope – still being punched. Is that all this game is? Slapping Tom around?

What Else?

Outside of abusing poor Talking Tom, there are a few icons that represent his basic needs. These needs are happiness, sleep, food, and..toilet. Yes, Tom uses a human toilet. And yes, you have to listen while he goes. How does this game have over 100 million downloads again?! You can turn off the light to let him sleep, play a few Candy Crush-like puzzle games with him. or feed him a steady diet of strawberries and fries (which don’t exactly sound healthy for a cat to eat). Are you supposed to be a horrible owner in this game?

The Bottom Line

This app is one of the more interesting experiences I’ve seen. If by interesting you mean terrifying and strange. Once you get past the cat slapping and toilet use, you basically just have a cat that you have to take care of. Sure, there are some small distractions in the meantime, but for the most part I just felt bad for poor Talking Tom. Also, I barely heard Tom talk, which is false advertising at its finest.